Ah, zombies.

You know that the zombie apocalypse is coming, I know that the zombie apocalypse is coming but the mass of people believe that the zombie apocalypse is just a joke, it's a scare tactic and something to keep on AMC or a Romero film. 

Well, ultimately that is good for us because when they think that the shambling zombie horde that is coming at them is a lame prank, we both know that blowing their brains out with a high-powered rifle is in our very near future.

With Halloween out of the way, we can get back to business and get back to the preparation for the zombie apocalypse.  I am certain that it is coming, some people say the end of 2012 will spell the end of the world and it will just stop, blow up or otherwise cease to exist as we know it but what I really think is that the end of the world as we know it will come in the form of the zombie apocalypse.

After the jump, I want to share with you some prepper stash essentials that I  have in my zombie kit that will ensure the highest survivability in the inevitable end of the world that's rapidly approaching.

Alright, let's talk survival.

Everyone should have a prepper stash for rainy days: Power outages, freak storms, the in-laws visiting, you know emergencies like that, so what I am going to do is share what I have in my prepper stash for the zombie apocalypse in hopes that I am not the only human surviving because, quite frankly, it will get very boring after a while.

Before we get to that, let me lay down some ground rules about the apocalypse and surviving it:

• When in doubt, shoot it again.
• Seriously, don't ever approach a body and close its eyes. Don't feel the need to put this thing to rest peacefully and, whatever you do, for the love of God, don't under any circumstances assume that just because it's not moving, it is dead
• Sentiment is the fastest way to become a zombie. 
•  You may argue "Getting bitten is the fastest way!" but, in order to get bitten, one must let zombies close to you, which is why I stand by my statement that sentiment is the fastest way to become a zombie. People you know, people you love, people you want to know (Yes, celebrities are extremely dangerous in the apocalypse, just ask Bill Murray) they are all out to get you and they want you to join the horde. Eliminate this threat by leaving your give-a-damn at the door. The world has ended, cowboy up.
•  Never underestimate the power of toilet paper.
•  Think about this for a moment. You finally have a moment to yourself, you're getting ready to releive yourself of the awesome burrito you made out of whatever foodstuff you could find (always add Siracha sauce) , but you suddenly realize that the people who put fresh rolls out there for you are gone, they're trying to eat your brains and turn YOU into poo so they don't have time to make those nice little triangles on the rolls. Do yourself a favor and guard this with your life.
•  If you can't shoot it, drink it, eat it, smoke it, drive it or wear it, you don't need it.
•  The absolute worst mistake people make is overloading themselves with an abundance of crap they don't need. You need to carry things with you, so you need a backpack and if it can't fit in this backpack, you don't need to carry it. See how that works?
•  Weapons: Everything is a weapon.
• You can run out of bullets. A crowbar, however, has multiple uses including smashing into zombie skulls, smashing into buildings, smashing into vehicles and smashing in general. You can break things, pull things, leverage things, kill things, boiled shrimp, fried shrimp, shrimp kabobs, wait..you get the point. Keep a crowbar at all times.
   
• Crossbows or Compound bows are sexy, awesome and otherworldly bad-ass to show off with if you know how to use them. They are quiet, discreet and otherwise just plain cool to keep around. The great thing about bows are the fact that you can easily make more ammo for them and you don't need a bullet-press and gunpowder.
• If it looks like a death-trap, it is.
• This one is a no brainer (see what I did there?). If it looks like a place out of a horror movie, it looks cozy but something "feels off" or it otherwise spooks the crap out of you, stay the hell away from it. There is nothing worse than seeing a group of grown adults walking into a place that everyone believes is the most haunted, most frightening and most certain place to die. Seriously, if you feel bad about it, walk away. 

In the next post, I'll talk about the stash and what you should keep on hand at all times for when the world comes to a halt and the dead start knocking on your door. Stay tuned.